


Yesterday

by sonofdvrin



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Slow Burn, You've been warned, also this is in second person, skdfhd this is like 8.5k so i decided to cross post this from tumblr, yet also not lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 02:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20752904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofdvrin/pseuds/sonofdvrin
Summary: When you move to Winnipeg to live with Adam, you find yourself unhappy with your life there. Deciding to break-up with him was a difficult decision, but a necessary one. Talking to Adam again was never in your life plan, but of course things never happen like they should.





	Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [hockeynetwork's](https://www.hockeynetwork.tumblr.com) Hockey Trumps Hate event over on tumblr! Also please note that I did get a bit hand-wavey about things like Brandon Tanev not being traded. I just needed it for the story to be _dramatic_. If you prefer to read this on tumblr, you can do that [here](https://bilbos.tumblr.com/post/187909772128/yesterday-adam-lowry)!

Deciding to move to Winnipeg to go to university is something you never imagined. Living in the states, back in Seattle, there were plenty of great opportunities. But something drew you to the school and you knew that you had to try and get in. Dating a famous hockey player was also something you had never imagined, yet here you are. You met Adam at a party in your freshman year at the University of Winnipeg. To be honest, you didn’t even recognize him at first, but once you started to talk to him more, you developed more of a crush on him.

It wasn’t until the beginning of your sophomore year that the two of you began to date, but Adam has been an amazing boyfriend the last three years. Now that you’ve graduated, you’re officially moving the rest of your stuff into his apartment. While attending university, he was insistent that you live with your friends to get a true university experience. At the time, it hurt, but you’re grateful for it now.

“Babe, how the hell did you get so much stuff living in that tiny apartment?” Adam groans as he carries in the last box from the moving truck.

You shrug. “Nobody was there to tell me no to my late-night impulse purchases.”

Adam looks at you and raises an eyebrow. You know that look and just laugh. Even though it might not seem like it, sometimes he was the more responsible one, at least when it came to money.

“You know what, it all brought me joy during finals week, and I feel like that’s good enough reasoning,” you explain.

“I love you, y/n, but you know that’s shitty reasoning,” Adam remarks. “At least I’ll be around to tell you no from now on.”

“But did you think about when you’re on road trips?” you ask innocently.

Adam just stares at you again, pursing his lips. “I’ll figure something out.”

You snort as you walk into the kitchen to start unpacking all of your kitchenware. Adam sighs and comes in to start helping you. Despite all of his grumbling, you know he doesn’t have that much of an issue with it.

“So, how’s the job hunt going?” he asks, subtly changing the subject.

~ ~ ~

Now that you’ve been out of school for six months, you start to realize the lack of a support system you have here in Winnipeg. Outside of the academic sphere, you’ve had a hard time meeting new people and feeling like there’s people in your corner, rooting you on. You never realized how lucky you’ve been the last four years. It’s not like you don’t enjoy being in Winnipeg, there’s some truly great places here, but it just doesn’t feel like home anymore.

And it’s not that you’re lonely, you’ve met some amazing people outside of Adam’s sphere of friends. But…it’s just not the same. Plus, how often he’s gone during the season really sucks. Somehow, it feels worse than when the two of you weren’t living together. You’ve only brought this up to Adam a couple of times, but each time it was met with resistance. He just didn’t seem to get it. Which is how you’ve found yourself on your coworker’s couch with a glass of wine on a Friday night when Adam is off on another three-day trip.

“Julia, I just don’t get why this is so hard,” you complain for the hundredth time.

“I think it might just be because he doesn’t get it, so he can’t help you,” Julia explains patiently. “It’s hard when your biggest support system just…doesn’t support you.”  
You sigh. “Why are you so smart, Julia?”

“Because I have to be. Working with high schoolers is a trip and a half, as you very well know.”

“Unfortunately,” you remark.

You and Julia both work with a non-profit focused on student and family advocacy. It’s tough work, but you’ve met some amazing people this way and you feel good doing what you’re doing. This job is also part of the reason why you’re hesitant to leave Winnipeg. The thought of leaving your students is hard to think about, but you know that if you’re not feeling great, it can be hard to serve the community at full capacity.

“Look, we’ve been over this plenty of times. Just finish out the school year and see if you can find something back home,” Julia says. “I know it feels like giving up, but it isn’t. If this is taking a toll on your mental and emotional health, then it’s okay to go back.”

“God, I wish you weren’t right,” you whisper. “I hate this so much.”

“Well, you know it won’t hurt to look for opportunities. And I know that you’ve been looking at grad schools. It might be easier to get support for that back with your old support system.”

You drain the rest of your wine, then set down the glass. “Yeah, I guess so. I just…need to think about this more when I’m sober.”

Julia snorts. “Okay, kid, let’s get you to bed.”

~ ~ ~

Adam knows nothing about your job search. It feels weird to bring it up if nothing might come of it. You can tell he knows that something is up, but you decide to not bring it up. No use in starting a fight over it, even though it might explode in your face later on. It isn’t until the end of June that you get a phone interview from a school back in Seattle that you start to get nervous.

Now that the hockey season is officially over, Adam is a bit more aware of what you’re doing as well. When you decide to bring it up, you can tell he’s angry, but trying not to show it.

“I just…don’t get it,” he whispers.

“That’s the whole problem, Adam,” you reply. “You always brushed off my concerns about not having the same support system here. I just…don’t feel like I belong here.”

“Did you ever consider that this is your fault?” he accuses.

He snaps his mouth shut, but the damage is already done.

“I think I should go,” you whisper. “I don’t think this is healthy for either of us.”

“Look, babe, I didn’t mean it,” Adam says, desperate to try and fix things.

“Oh, so you decided to just say it out of nowhere?” you ask.

You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Immediately, you feel ashamed feeling sad over something you knew might happen. Adam reaches out to you, but you shrug him off.  
“I’m headed to Julia’s for the night so we can both cool off, okay?”

He just nods and watches you leave. When you get to Julia’s, she immediately knows what’s going on and wraps you up in a hug.

“So, how bad was it?” she asks softly, as she leads you to the couch.

“He told me it was my fault,” you whisper. “And I guess it kind of is, but I don’t know if he realizes how hard it is, you know? I don’t want to leave Adam; I love him so much. Like, I decided to stay in Canada for him, you know?”

“Look, I think some distance will do you two really well. I mean, things were good when the two of you weren’t living together, right? So now that you’re both all up in each other’s business, it could change things.”

“Yeah, they were. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. But I’m going to talk to him tomorrow, though. Tonight, I just want to watch some cheesy movies and maybe get a bit tipsy.”  
“You’re lucky I just stocked back up on wine,” Julia jokes.

~ ~ ~

When you go back to your place the following morning, he isn’t there. You just assume that he decided to go hang out with some friends last night. So, you take this as a perfect opportunity to call your mom and explain what’s going on.

“Well, if you think that’s what’s best for you, then of course you can come home,” she says softly.

“I just feel like I failed,” you groan.

“Look, I know it’s hard right now and that things didn’t work out how you imagined them, but it’ll be fine.”

“I know, it’s just…I know that things will be weird with Adam now and I hate that I’m going to lose him.”

“We all lose people that are important to us. Maybe one day you can fix things, but it’s important to put yourself first before your relationship with him.”

“Yeah, I get it,” you sigh. “God, I don’t even know when I’ll be able to leave. I have to find a job and everything.”

“Don’t worry about that, honey. Just come back and we’ll figure it out. No need having you stay in a place that isn’t healthy for you.”

You start tearing up. “Thank you, mom.”

“Of course, honey. Now, let’s start planning your trip back.”

~ ~ ~

When Adam comes back a couple of hours later, you’ve already booked a moving truck to come in a week and a half. You and your mom knew that if there wasn’t anything making you pack up and leave him, you never would.

“Look, I’m really sorry, I should have thought through what I’ve said,” Adam whispers as he sits next to you on the couch. “But I still think that maybe things can get better for you here. I don’t want to lose you, y/n.”

“Adam, I love you, I really do. It’s just…this isn’t home for me, you know? I have some friends, but I just feel like I’m floating through my life here. I can’t have that. I want to actually live my life and not just have things pass me by because I can’t bring myself to break up with you,” you explain.

“Y/n, we can make this work,” he pleads.

“You’ve known this was an issue for months now, Adam. What have you done to make it work? Absolutely nothing. Every time I brought something up, you just shrugged me off like it was nothing!”

“Because it is nothing,” Adam accuses.

You suck in a breath and then stand up. “This is what I can’t fucking deal with. I think it’s best we part ways. I’ll pack up my stuff and go to Julia’s.”

Adam purses his lips and nods stiffly. “Fine.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

~ ~ ~

Packing is a somber experience. Adam avoids you like the plague the couple of days it takes you to put everything in boxes. Julia helps you pack everything up between both of your cars and bringing it to her apartment. You feel so exhausted and you’re not sure how you’re going to make it through the next couple of weeks.

Julia is a lovely roommate, making sure that you don’t mope around the apartment too much. She’s there with junk food and wine when you have to put in your notice to work, which breaks your heart more than leaving Adam. Knowing that you won’t get to say goodbye to your cohort of students is hard.

“They’ll understand. They’ll hurt and be mad, but they’ll get it. Besides, you’ll come up here to visit me, right? You can visit them then.”

“Yeah, I know,” you whisper. “God, I’m going to miss getting drunk on this couch, you know? I don’t know what I’ll do at home.”

Julia snorts. “I’m sure you’ll find someone back in Seattle. You made friends with me pretty quick.”

“It’s because we both didn’t know what we were doing. We bonded out of pure confusion.”

“Okay, that’s true, but you’re great at making friends.”

“My current situation would beg to differ,” you joke.

Julia just smiles, and then runs her hands through your hair. “You’ll do good, babe. You were made to do more than live with a shitty boyfriend.”

“You’re the best,” you whisper. “I think it’s time for bed.”

Julia laughs and helps bring you back up to the guest room.

~ ~ ~

Moving back home was hard. You and Julia sobbed as you packed up the last of your things in the moving truck. Leaving her was worse than leaving Adam, something you never thought could be possible.

“Well, don’t forget about me, Julia,” you whisper.

“You know I couldn’t,” she replies softly, before wrapping you up in one last tight hug.

When you get back into the truck with your mom, she gives your hand a tight squeeze before starting up the truck. It’s silent for a little while, until you’re well out of Winnipeg.  
“So, you’re finally out. How does it feel?” she asks.

“I…think I’m happy. Or maybe it’s just a relief. I’m not sure yet,” you reply. “I haven’t even talked with him since I left our house. Which I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at, you know?”

“It still hurts, though. You thought he might try to talk to you.”

“Yeah, not like it would have really changed much. But…I thought we could try being friends or something. But that’s hopeful thinking, I suppose.”  
“I don’t know if you’ll ever be friends again, but it’s probably for the best.”

“Yeah, I know. Like I know it was kind of my fault for not really trying to settle in and everything, so I don’t blame him for not talking to me. It’s just…weird. I really thought it was a forever type of thing.”

“Well, you’re still young. You’re only 23, y/n. There’s still so much time left for you to find things to explore and learn.”

“Ugh, you’re so right. It’ll just take me some time to get used to, I suppose.”

“Now that you’re coming back home, maybe you can start studying for the GRE next year. I know you wanted to originally wait a couple of more years to do that, but that was when you were with Adam. Maybe you can go sooner now and not worry about finding a long-term job back at home.”

You just nod as you look out the window. She’s right on the dot about why you were waiting. But it wouldn’t hurt to apply next year and go back to school the year after that. It’ll give you more experience in actually trying to settle into a new place away from home because as much as you love it in Seattle, you don’t want to stay there forever.

~ ~ ~

Two years have passed and you’re packing up to move to Eugene. You’ve been accepted to the University of Oregon in their Ph.D. program for cultural anthropology. It’s strange, packing up your life again, but it feels good to be free again. 

Your mom hugs you as you finish packing up your car with everything you need to move back to school with. She’s a bit teary eyed, but you can tell that she’s proud of you. When you first moved back to Seattle, you never expected to be this happy about leaving everything behind, but you are. There’s something freeing about finally being able to pick up the pieces and move on. You’re moving to a new place and you can make a fresh start again.

Other things have changed too. Julia had grown a tentative friendship with Adam after you had left. Both were worried about you when you had left, but he never felt comfortable talking to you right after the breakup, so he heard about what you were doing through her. She never really talked to him until you gave her the okay that things wouldn’t be hard on you if they became friends.

It was through him that she met Brandon Tanev and they hit it off immediately. Remembering him from the couple of times you met him while you lived in Winnipeg, you know that they’re a good match for each other. You were expecting it to be weird, but you’re just happy that Julia has found someone.

The drive from Seattle to Eugene only takes you about five hours. You’re moving in with two people you met over on Facebook who were looking to add one more roommate to their house. The three of you clicked right away and you were excited to be finding people you liked.

It’s weird meeting them in person, but Sam and Vera are extremely kind. It puts you at ease when they help you bring your boxes to your shared house without asking if you needed help. Your room is small, but not too cramped. Even if it was tiny, it’s nice living close to the university.

“So, I know you’re here because of school, but any other reason you decided to come out here?” Vera inquires over dinner.

“I guess I just decided I needed to try and be independent again. Last time I moved away from home, I think I was too dependent on my boyfriend to make everything better for me,” you explain. “It was pretty toxic, if I do say so myself. We weren’t very kind to each other.”

“Oh, is that why you were in Winnipeg?” Sam asks. “I saw that you lived there for a little while on your Facebook.”

“Yeah, it was, on top of going to school as well. But that was a while ago and I promise I’ve gotten better since then,” you reply.

“Don’t worry, we have a pretty open line of communication, so we’ll let you know if something is up,” Sam says. “But we’re happy you’re here! It’s good to know that we won’t have to find a cramped apartment to live in.”

You snort. “I’m glad too. It’s nice to be in an actual house.”

The rest of dinner is fairly casual and they both send you off to unpack your necessities while they clean up the dishes. No matter what, you think you’ll settle in just fine here.

~ ~ ~

Three years into your program and your life has never been better, if you do say so yourself. Sam and Vera have become your best friends, besides Julia. Life here has been great and you’ve been thriving. You still have three years left, depending on how well your research goes, but you’re excited to finally be starting that part of your degree.

You’re also in an amazing relationship with your current boyfriend, Max. The two of you met your first year in your program. He’s studying linguistics in the same department as you and even though you never really were fond of that particular subfield, Max still made it sound amazing. After six months of knowing each other, the two of you went on your first date, and now two and a half years later, you’re happier than ever.

Julia is also getting married this summer to Brandon and you’re going to be the maid of honor. Of course, Adam is going to be Brandon’s best man, but you figure that everything should be okay now. It’s been five years since the two of you broke up and that’s given the two of you enough time to heal from old wounds.

“Are you sure it’s not going to be weird?” Vera asks. “I mean, I know you think everything is going to be good, but you guys haven’t talked in five years.”

“That’s exactly why I think it’s going to be fine. We’re both adults now and surer of ourselves. At least, I am, anyways,” you answer. “Besides, even if I wasn’t okay with it, I would suck it up for Julia. I can’t just not show up to her wedding because I want to avoid Adam.”

Sam purses her lips. “Yeah, we know. But if anything goes wrong, we’ll kick his ass for you. Or…I guess Max can since he’s going to the wedding.”

“I’m sure he’ll be enough of a deterrent for Adam,” you reply. “And it’s just for a few days. The most contact we’ll have is when we walk down the aisle.”

“I bet those were words you never thought you’d say,” Sam jokes.

“No, they really weren’t. But I promise it’ll be okay,” you say, reassuringly.

~ ~ ~

When you and Max get to Winnipeg, it feels like nothing has changed. It feels like you just left. All of this makes you feel nostalgic, but having Max besides you makes everything feel better. The two of you are staying in a hotel near the wedding venue, which is where everyone who travelled in is going to be. There’s a small chance that you’ll run into Adam there, but Julia told you that she placed the both of you as far away from each other as possible.

For that, you’re feeling grateful. When the two of you get to the room, Max hugs you tightly.

“What’s this for?” you ask.

“Dunno, just feeling happy, I guess,” he replies. “Weddings always make me happy.”

“Even though you don’t know the people getting married?”

“They matter to you, so they matter to me.”

“You’re such a sap,” you reply, as you pull out from his hug. “I know we’re having a moment and everything, but I really want dinner.”

Max snorts. “Of course you do. Where do you want to go?”

“There’s a great sushi place not too far from here, if I remember correctly.”

“Let’s get going, then.”

~ ~ ~

The first time you see Adam is at the wedding rehearsal the following day. Well, rehearsal is a loose term, considering that everyone is only quickly running through what the reception will look like. It’s more of a time for everyone to reconnect.

He’s here by himself, which surprises you a bit. You’re fully expecting him to have a girlfriend. Maybe she just can’t make it today and will be at the wedding tomorrow. As much as you try to avoid him, he manages to see you right as you throw away your trash.

“Hey, y/n,” Adam greets.

“Oh, hey, Adam,” you reply. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, definitely. What have you been up to?” he inquires.

“I’m over in Oregon working on my Ph.D.,” you answer. “I only have three or four years left. I’m just starting the applied part of my degree, so I’m not sure how long that will take.”  
“Oh, that’s nice. Here with anybody?”

“Yeah, I’m here with my boyfriend, Max. What about you?”

“No, I’m not dating anyone right now. But I’m happy for you,” he says.

“Yeah, right back at you. It looks like you’re holding up pretty well on the Jets.”

He nods. “It’s felt good the last couple of years. I’ve really fallen into a good groove.”

“I can tell,” you reply. “We’ll have to catch up later. I told Max I was just tossing my garbage.”

“Oh, yeah, no worries. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When you get back to the table, Max raises an eyebrow. “How did it go?”

“Not as bad as I was expecting, to be honest. Although it has been five years, so I guess we’re both pretty far removed from it all.”

“That’s good,” he replies. “So, when do you think is an acceptable time to leave? Not that I’m not having fun, but I feel like I need to save up energy for tomorrow.”

“I’ll just tell Julia we’re headed out and then we can go back to the hotel.”

Max nods and kisses you lightly. When you walk over to Julia, she hugs you tightly.

“I’m so glad you could come,” Julia says. “Were things weird with Adam?”

“I didn’t talk with him for too long, so not really. But I think we’ll be okay, Julia. We’re all adults here, so an old breakup won’t come in the way of your happy day.”

“I know it wouldn’t, but I still worry a bit, you know? The two of you haven’t talked in all of that time you’ve been gone.”

You shrug. “I think that was the right decision, though. It would have hurt us more if we kept talking or tried to reconcile through texts or phone calls.”

“That makes sense. It’s weird, though, seeing the two of you together but not together.”

“Makes sense, I guess. But things are good with Max, so I doubt there’ll be an ‘us’ again.”

Julia just hugs you again. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have some fun tonight.”

You laugh and shake your head. “I really think we’re just going to watch a movie and fall asleep way too early, but thank you for the encouragement.”

~ ~ ~

The following morning is extremely hectic. Max is still back at the hotel, and will be until the wedding starts. But you’re at the venue helping Julia get ready. Or, rather, making sure that Julia’s mom, Emma, doesn’t become too overbearing. You know that she only wants things to be perfect, but it can be a bit much. Hell, you’re not even the one getting married and Emma is stressing you out beyond belief.

“Okay, ladies, we only have an hour left!” Emma exclaims, a bit of panic seeping through.

“It’ll be fine,” you say to Emma, pulling her off to the side.

“I know,” she whispers. “But you know how I get.”

You laugh. “You’ve done an amazing job so far, and it’ll be beautiful.”

She gives you a quick hug. “Always the practical one.”

“I try to be.”

The rest of the lead up to the wedding passes by quickly. When you get to the beginning of the aisle, you see Adam. He smiles at you hesitantly. You smile back and walk over to him.

“How are you feeling?” you whisper.

“Not too bad. Excited for the ceremony to be over.”

You raise an eyebrow at that.

“Look, it’s just the same thing every time. It’s not like I’m not happy for them, I just get tired of the same thing over and over again.”

“I’m telling Julia you said that,” you joke.

Adam lets out a fake gasp, which makes you laugh a little. Before you can continue your conversation, the music starts up, signaling that it’s time for the two of you to walk out. Adam is right, though. Ceremonies can get a bit boring and while you’re happy for Julia, you spend more time staring off into space than you would care to admit.

Once Julia and Brandon walk down the aisle, you’re relieved. The reception promises to be relaxed and fun. It isn’t until you get seated that you realize Adam is going to be at the same table. Julia said that there might be some table changes at the practice reception, but you didn’t realize she would put Adam at your table. It’ll be fine though, you’ll sure it will all be okay. You can tell Adam is a bit surprised as well when he sits down.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that we would be at the same table,” he says, apologetically.

“It’s fine,” you reply. “I guess this means I can introduce you to Max.”

Adam’s eyes flicker over to Max, and gives him a small smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, right back at you,” Max replies, a bit awkwardly.

Conversation takes an awkward pause as a few other people get seated at the table.

“So, how long have you guys been together?” Adam asks.

“Two and a half years,” Max answers, looking over at you and smiling. “We met in our intro class for the Ph.D. program we’re in.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Adam replies. “What are both of you hoping to do after you graduate?”

“We’re hoping to go into research somewhere and then hopefully teach at a university or community college. But it all depends on where we can get jobs. Finding one teaching job is hard enough, but two would be near impossible,” you explain. “We’ll work it out, though. There’s still a few more years.”

Adam nods. “I’m glad for you both.”

“Thanks,” you whisper.

Conversation flows easily after that, catching each other up on everything that’s happened the last few years. Adam had been in a long-term relationship, but they had broken up only a few months ago. He didn’t say why and you didn’t want to push, he looked heartbroken talking about it. Only a few minutes later, Julia and Brandon come back out to the reception and announce that dinner is going to be served. After eating and sitting through several speeches, the two of them have their first dance.

The music picks up after that, and you and Max decide to only stay for a few songs. Your flight out the next morning is bright and early. Adam stays at the table, stating that he doesn’t have anyone he wants to dance with. You shrug it off, thinking it’s not your problem anymore.

The rest of the night is amazing, and when your alarm goes off the next morning, you groan as you shut it off. Both you and Max get ready in a haze and barely make it to the airport on time. Thankfully, neither of you have anything going on the next few days, allowing the both of you to rest.

~ ~ ~

After the wedding, it seems to open the door to you and Adam talking again. It’s weird, and it feels wrong talking to him again, but you know that it’s just as friends. Max is well aware of it and he has no issue with it, stating that the two of you are both well removed from anything romantic and that he’s sure of your relationship with him.

It isn’t until January that you see Adam again. With the All Stars game going on, he has a week of rest and insists on coming out to Oregon to visit you for a day. Sam and Vera are rightly hesitant about him coming to visit, but you do want to show Adam around. You decide to take him to a small café that you like to frequent when you want a break from school.

“So, how’s the new school year going?” he asks.

“It’s going well. I’m focusing more on research now, so it’s exciting,” you reply. “I’m focusing on homelessness in college student populations.”

“Oh, that’s…depressing,” Adam says. “But I’m glad you’re doing something that matters to you.”

“So am I,” you reply. “How are you feeling about the team this year? I know there’s been some big trades lately.”

“It’s weird, but I think we’ll hit our stride soon enough. We’re getting closer to a cup each year. And I really love the people I’m playing with, too. That always makes things better.”

“It really does. And I know you guys will get there soon enough.”

Adam smiles sadly. “I hope so. I don’t know how much more time I have, so I would like to get there before I retire.”

“You thinking of retiring soon?” you inquire.

He shrugs. “I’m not sure, but I know that it’s going to happen in the next few years more than likely. Like, I’m in my late twenties now, my body can’t hold out for much longer. And I don’t want to go out with a huge injury I’ll never recover from.”

“Makes sense,” you reply. “Any plans for what you want to do after?”

“I think going back to school would be nice. It might give me a better sense of direction.”

“That would be good. School has made a world of difference for me. It’s what helped me after our breakup.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it gave me something to look forward, instead of moping about it all.”

“You were sad about it?” he asks, looking confused.

“I really was. I never wanted to break up with you, Adam. But I don’t think I was ready to move away from home and in with you. It just wasn’t good timing for either of us, I think.”  
Adam smiles softly. “I always thought you got over it right away, considering how things ended.”

“No, it definitely wasn’t a happy time for me. Not that I’m making excuses, but we were both pretty young and just jumped into moving in together without thinking if it was a good idea or not.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I’m just…it feels good to be talking to you again, y/n. It was weird not having you around.”

“I tried to forget you for the longest time, you know? Pretend that it never happened. I think it was my way of trying to get over it and not take full credit of what I did.”

“Well, we’re both well past that, I feel like. It’s strange, though, seeing how much we’ve both changed,” Adam comments.

“It is,” you whisper. “But I’m glad for it.”

Casual conversation continues on for a few more hours before Adam says he should be heading out.

“I wasn’t sure where this was going to end up, so I booked a flight for later tonight. I didn’t want to stick around if things got weird,” he explains.

“I guess that makes sense. It was good seeing you again, though.”

He hugs you briefly, before he heads out to his rental car and drives off. You sigh and rub your face a bit. It was good, but it still feels odd seeing Adam again.

When you get back to your place, Vera and Sam are immediately asking you how it went.

“It wasn’t that exciting,” you mumble. “We just got caught up on basic life stuff.”

“How weird was it?” Vera asks.

“I mean, not too weird? Like, we were able to hold a steady conversation. It’s just weird how much we both changed the last five years. We both grew up a lot,” you explain.

“Do you think you’ll keep up this whole thing?” Sam asks, slightly concerned.

“I don’t see why not,” you reply, shrugging. “It’s not like I want to get back together with him. I honestly don’t know what he’s thinking about it all, but I don’t get that vibe from him either.”

“If he tries anything, our offer of beating him up still stands,” Vera says.

You snort. “I really appreciate the offer, but considering that there isn’t even a professional hockey team around here, I doubt that we’ll be seeing much of him.”

~ ~ ~

Things with Adam only get better from there. The two of you are close again, but it’s not the same. It never would be, and that was honestly fine with you. When it’s time for you to finally graduate with your Ph.D., he flies out to watch you receive your diploma, as the Jets didn’t make it to the playoffs this year.

You could tell your parents felt hesitant about having him around, but they made room for him after seeing that you’re genuinely okay with him around. Max was a bit wary, but he didn’t say anything, knowing how important Adam is to you.

After your graduation, you meet everyone outside of the stadium. Adam hangs off to the side, letting your parents get too many pictures of you and Max together. He doesn’t say much, until you come up to him.

“So, you’re headed to St. Louis, huh?” he asks.

“Yeah, I got lucky with an amazing position at St. Louis Community College. I couldn’t say no and Max said he would try to find something there as well,” you explain. “It’s a great city and turning down a teaching job wasn’t something I could say no to.”

“Well, it is pretty great,” Adam says smugly.

You snort. “Of course you think it’s great. But what are your plans for the summer now? You’re thirty-one, now.”

“Thank you for reminding me how old I am,” Adam replies grimly. “Besides, you’re thirty-one now, too, so don’t make it sound like I’m the ancient one here.”

This just makes you laugh. “Well, maybe we can hang out if you hang around St. Louis long enough.”

Adam smiles softly at that. “I would like that. But I should let you get back to your family. Looks like they want to take more pictures.”

You hug Adam tightly one last time before walking back to your family. Things are relaxed for the rest of the day and when you head back to your house with Sam and Vera, you’re ready to pass out. Knowing that the next couple of days are going to be busy with last minute packing means you want to get as much sleep as possible.

As you start packing up the next morning, Sam and Vera join you. The two of them had finished their programs last year, but worked around Eugene until you were moving out as well. They had insisted that they needed time to focus on what they wanted to do.

“God, this is so weird. I can’t believe we’re finally moving out of Oregon,” Sam whispers. “We better still be friends.”

“Please, we didn’t suffer through the last seven years of our life together for nothing,” you joke.

Vera laughs. “Well, if we can suffer through my many breakdowns, I think we’ll be fine.”

“I hate how true that is,” Sam comments.

The rest of the day passes calmly, until Max calls you and asks if you can come over for dinner, saying he has something important that he wants to tell you.

“Do you think he’s going to finally propose?” Vera asks. “It has been almost seven years.”

You shrug. “I’ll keep you guys updated.”

Once you get to Max’s place, he looks sadder than you expect. This makes you concerned, as you don’t know what could be bringing this on.

“I got an offer from Stanford for an associate professor position,” Max says immediately, once you’ve shut the door.

“Oh,” is all you can think to say.

“I just…I want it so bad. You know how hard it’s been for me trying to find something I want to do in St. Louis.”

You sit down on his couch, processing this all. “Yeah, I know. And…you should take it, Max. This is an amazing opportunity. Like, that’s an amazing school.”

“It’s just…I don’t want to make you quit your job in St. Louis before you’ve even started. And you know how much I hate long-distance relationships. So, I think it’s best if we broke up.”

“I…yes, of course. That makes sense,” you reply numbly.

“God, this is so shit to do, especially since we were about to sign a lease on a place. But I was thinking maybe Adam or his family could help? I know that’s where he grew up.”  
“I could ask,” you whisper. “I think…I think I’m going to go, Max. I need time to process this.”

Max just nods. “Sorry for making you drive all the way over here for this.”

You smile and head back to your place. Sam and Vera are confused, but let you go right up to your room. The second you close the door, you start sobbing. Things with Max were great, they really were. You thought that getting married to him was a real possibility. But you get the whole long-distance thing. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you to try and reroute your careers if your heart wasn’t in it.

A couple of hours later, Sam and Vera come into your room, bringing junk food and wine. When you explain what had happened, they don’t say anything, but hug you tightly. They stay with you for the rest of the night, making sure you fall asleep at a reasonable time.

The next morning, you’re not feeling great, but not as horrible as you were expecting. At this point, you know that you have to rethink your plan. There’s a place that you and Max were going to move into at the beginning of July, but without him there, you won’t be able to afford it. As much as it pains you, you’re definitely going to have to ask Adam for help.

He picks up after a couple of rings to his phone. “What’s up?”

“So, you know how I’m moving to St. Louis for work, right?” you ask.

“Yeeees,” he replies, unsure.

“Well, um, Max just broke up with me last night and I can’t afford the apartment we were going to sign the lease on without him,” you explain. “So, I was wondering if you know any people in St. Louis who need roommates? I know that I can try and find somewhere on my own, but I wanted to check with you first.”

“I have a place there that you could stay in,” Adam suggests.

“Adam, I can’t take your place!”

“Look, I’m not there for most of the year and I only stay there during the summer when I’m not off training. As long as you don’t mind me being there a few months out of the year, then we’ll be fine.”

You frown a bit, thinking it over. “I promise I’ll find somewhere as fast as possible.”

“Take your time,” Adam says insistently. “I know it’s going to take you a while to settle in to your new job and there’s no point in stressing about finding a new place at the same time.”

“Fuck,” you whisper. “You know me too well.”

“We have known each other for over a decade now,” Adam jokes.

“God, why is that the thing that makes me feel old?”

“It is weird to say out loud, huh?”

“I haven’t even thought about it, to be honest,” you reply. “But I think I’ll take you up on that offer. I hate to put you out, but it already took Max and I ages to find a place we could afford. Being a professor isn’t a lavish lifestyle, unfortunately.”

“You know I have your back, no matter what.”

“And I appreciate you for that. I’ll let you get back to sleep, though. Sorry that I woke you.”

“It’s no problem. Just send me the details of when you’ll be moving over to me some time today.”

“Sounds good. Talk to you soon, Adam,” you say.

After you hang up, you walk down to the kitchen, where Sam and Vera are already making breakfast. They both look at you, curious, but you ignore the look for now. The thought of trying to explain that you’re moving into Adam’s house in St. Louis is too weird of a thought for this early in the morning. It isn’t until you start packing again that Sam brings it up.

“So, who was that you were talking to this morning?” she asks.

“I was talking with Adam,” you say. “I just…with Max breaking up with me, I needed to figure out somewhere to live, you know? And since he’s from there, I figured he could help.”

“What’s he helping with, then?” Sam asks.

“He’s offering for me to stay in his place there,” you explain. “It might be dumb to essentially move in with him again, but there’s no way that I would be able to find something in only a couple of weeks.”

Sam frowns a bit. “I hate that this is your only option. I know it’s been over seven years since the two of you broke up, but it just feels so weird.”

You shrug. “It does, but I know things will be better now. We’ve managed to be friends for the last few years, so I think we’ll be okay.”

“I hope so,” she whispers. “God, the last couple of days have been dramatic as fuck. Does this happen every time you move somewhere?”

“Thankfully, no. But whenever it involves a boyfriend, it seems to be overdramatic,” you joke.

“Well, I think we’ll all be okay.”

~ ~ ~

As you make the move from Eugene to St. Louis, you take your time driving there. You make several stops along the way and try to process everything that’s been happening. It’s wild that you’ve gotten a teaching job right out of university, because you know how hard it can be. Granted, it is at a community college, but you think it’ll help when you try to move on to teaching at a university.

And it’s weird that fate has brought you and Adam back together. Even when you first started talking to him again, you never imagined being in a place where the both of you felt so comfortable together again. Now that the both of you are in different places in your lives, you’re interested to see what happens.

When you get there, you see Adam’s car pulled up into the driveway. As you pull up, he opens the door and walks out to greet you. He looks older and more settled into himself. Aging has treated him very well.

“Hey, Adam,” you greet tiredly.

He hugs you as he says, “It’s good to see you again. I think your thirties are treating you well.”

“Please, like it’s been treating you any differently. Besides, it’s only been a month since you’ve seen me last.”

He just shrugs. “Feels less weird saying it since you don’t have a boyfriend anymore. Not that I’m like…happy that the two of you broke up.”

“I know what you mean,” you reply. “I guess it’s time to move everything in, huh?”

“Shouldn’t be too bad. It’s less stuff than last time we moved in together.”

“I’ve gotten better at the impulse purchases. Being a broke grad school student is no joke.”

“Well, that’s good to hear. How about we just move everything into the place for today and unpack tomorrow?”

“You don’t have to help me unpack everything.”

“I know. I just like to help.”

You smile. “Might as well get started then.”

Things are easy for the next couple of days. It doesn’t feel as weird as you were expecting it to be. Adam gives you more than enough space to do your own thing, but you’re still very aware of his presence. A few days after you move in, his mom insists on meeting up with you for lunch at a local diner.

“It’s so good to see you again,” she says. “I never thought I would see you again after the two of you broke up.”

“Yeah, this is definitely weird. But I’m just really grateful right now.”

“Adam is excited to have you back in his life, you know. I think he’s missed you more than he’s willing to admit to himself.”

“I mean, I missed him a lot as well. It was weird not talking to him after the breakup, but it served us both well.”

“That’s good,” she replies. “Now, tell me more about what you were doing over in Oregon. I love my son, but he doesn’t always do the best at remembering.”

The rest of lunch is just playing catch up with each other. It’s good seeing her again, and it’s even better knowing that you’ll have someone here to support you. Without Max being there to support you, you were really unsure of being in St. Louis essentially by yourself. Knowing that Adam’s family seems to be accepting you into their life is helping you cope a lot.

It isn’t until a week later that you go into the community college to meet your fellow staff. Everyone is super welcoming and you’re excited for the year to start. There’s no surprise when you see that you’ll be teaching two sections of introductory anthropology as your only courses. Being a new professor usually means getting the grunt work for a while, which is fine by you.

~ ~ ~

Settling into the new year has been easier than you were expecting. Having the whole house to yourself was weird, but it’s making your life so much easier. As much as you loved living with Sam and Vera, it’s easier to focus on doing class prep without anyone around. You do wish that Adam was around more, but you can only wish for so much.  
The first time Adam comes back after leaving during August is during his bye-week in December. He says that he feels too old to be going off to party in Cabo or wherever the younger guys are going this year.

While the time he’s here isn’t necessarily awkward, it feels like the two of you are flying off to some new uncharted territory. The two of you have plenty of late nights together, talking about the smallest of things that have changed over the years. You’ve gained more independence and confidence in yourself and Adam has learned to be a bit more empathetic.

When he leaves, something has changed in your dynamic with him. While you won’t say that you’re falling in love with him, you feel like you could be hurtling in that direction. Living in his place isn’t necessarily helping either.

By the time January rolls around, you’re more prepared to spending a full week with Adam. Things are similar to last time and everything comes to a close halfway through his time back in St. Louis. You’re both a little more drunk than either of you were expecting, which probably helps in the long run.

“I’m so happy that you’re back in my life,” Adam whispers. “I didn’t realize how much I missed you until we started talking again.”

“I’m glad things are back to normal again,” you reply.

“If things were normal, we would be dating again.”

This hangs in the air for a brief moment.

“Well…I suppose we can make things truly back to normal. I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” you comment.

“Are you saying…that you wouldn’t mind dating again?” Adam asks, hesitantly.

“No, I really wouldn’t. It’s been nice being close to you again.”

**Epilogue**

A few years later, you finally got a professor job at the University of Missouri in St. Louis. You’re overjoyed that you’ve found a great job in the city. Adam has decided to retire and move back in full time with you. He’s still unsure of what to do, but you’re slowly convincing him that going back to school would be a good idea.

“Look, you can try out a couple of classes and see how it goes,” you suggest.

“Are you just saying that so I can take one of your intro classes?” he asks.

You laugh. “Maybe. I’m just saying that maybe classes could give you a new type of happiness outside of hockey.”

He smiles and kisses you lightly. “I think what would make me happier is if you married me.”

“What?” you ask flatly. “Are you serious?”

He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I mean, I feel like it’s the right time for us.”

“I thought you hated wedding ceremonies.”

“When did I say that?”

“At Julia and Brandon’s wedding, when we started talking again.”

“How do you even remember that?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“I remembered it so I could make fun of you one day.”

Adam snorts. “I can’t believe I want to marry you.”

You smile smugly. “Oh please, like you would have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find more of my shorter hockey fics [here](https://www.bilbos.tumblr.com/masterlist). Thanks for reading!


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